Ever struggle to recognize your own life?
I’m there now. It’s messy. Spilled feelings. Piles of unanswered questions. And I want God to please put everything back in its place.
Back to when people I love were healthy. And my husband’s job was secure. And I wasn’t nursing a bruised heart from a recurring lifelong pain.
Last week I had an “unquiet time”. It started with an ugly half prayer/half self-pity cry to God (Emphasis on u-g-l-y, girls. Allergy eyes, PMS, and no chocolate in sight.). Somehow I pulled myself together enough to open my Bible.
And there God spoke. Not through a parable or proverb or prophecy.
But from my past.
Markings and notes I had made beside precious Scripture traced back to other difficult times. Slowly I turned pages, proof of God’s presence in each mess.
Philippians 4:6,7 ~ When my dad died far too young.
Psalm 103:12 ~ When I made the worst choice of my life.
2 Timothy 1:7 ~ When I suffered crippling anxiety attacks.
Psalm 73:23-26 ~ When I had a scary health crisis. And then another one.
Psalm 34:18 ~ When a long desired dream died.
Red underlined words, yellow highlighted passages, and Uni-Ball scribbled notes from earlier versions of me spoke right now truths.
Truths which are not understood when life is neat and clean.
That without hurt I would not know the tender hand of God’s healing. Without crisis I would not know His strong arm of rescue. Without heartache I would not know anticipated hope. Without rejection I would not know His protection.
I would know Him. But not really KNOW Him. In all His compassion, tenderness, and love. I would settle for a far less personal relationship than He longs for with me.
The pain I would never choose brings me close to the Lord in ways I would not exchange.
I know this time has purpose. There will be purging. Scrubbing. Cleaning beneath the surface. And I pray that I will shine like Him through the process.
God’s past presence fills me with present hope. He is with us, girls. No matter how messy life gets.
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Hearts Unfold 
Thank you for that. I needed reminding of God’s presence in the past that reminds me of His presence now. I wish life wasn’t messy but when it is He is!!
Thank you my friend! I know God has brought you through a similar season with an amazing story for Him!
Love this. Thanks for sharing your heart. Hugs.
You are a special encourager to me EE. And I am happy to see you writing again. YOU have a gift!
Beth, thank you for this. As I sit in the middle of the hardest and scariest time of my life I needed to read this. Thank you for sharing and reminding me that He will bring me through this. Everyday is a struggle and I am thankful for this today.
I am so happy we have reconnected, Liz. Praying for you. Our phone chat did my heart gooooooood!
It super did my heart goooooooood too:) God is good and always knows our hearts and which way to guide us even when we have our eyes closed. I’m so glad he guided us to each other yesterday:)
Good word, my friend~I love~God’s past presence fills me with present hope~He is faithful
I love you girl. Can’t wait to hug you and welcome you home!
Thank you for sharing and reminding us that God is always there. With every test there is a Testimony! Amen – He is ALWAYS there!
Thank you sweet sweet friend. God blessed me so much when He gave me your gift of friendship. Love you.
Yes! Yes! Yes! well done and for His glory! You are precious in HIS sight!
LT ~ thank you for all the ways you encourage so many. Iron sharpens iron. And you, friend, are sharp!
It’s amazing how God reminds us of these things just when we need it.
So true, Anne. He weaves lives and events together in ways that constantly amaze me.
Awesome word Beth! Thank you for sharing it.
Your testimony has encouraged me more than I could ever…ever express. He does His best work creating beauty out of a mess.
Beautifully said, Beth! Thank you so much for sharing and, in the process, blessing others like myself. It is a wonderful reminder that God DOES bring beauty from ashes. Such an encouragement! Thanks again!
Dear Beth, I am a little late to join this party! Nevertheless, I know why. I needed to read thus TODAY. I suffer from Fibromyalgia and Me and today I am also quite in-the-pit mode, because my husband are away for 2 days for work. So true, your words. I just wrote a post on my blog on the same line, and here I go again! I am glad I found your blog and will follow it in the future. Love and blessings.